


you were my earth

by CloudF11



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: (kinda???), Deletion, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Regret, Yandere, and i'm only now getting back into writing lol, i havent posted on ao3 in A G E S im sorry, i promise i'll get back to fallout dw, i've been stuck in this fandom since December, inspired by a song, to everyone who is following my Fallout fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 02:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15184478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudF11/pseuds/CloudF11
Summary: Monika couldn't be happier.But that was about to change. Real quick.Inspired by the song "You're My World," by Atlas.





	you were my earth

Monika couldn’t be happier.

  
She could finally be with the one she loved. Perhaps there was a better way to get him all to herself, but the other three gave her no other choice. _Well, I suppose it isn’t their fault,_ Monika mused. _They’re just video game characters. They were bound by a script. But what’s done is done. Besides, it was probably the most humane thing, right?_  They were just video game characters. If Monika hadn’t deleted them, they would have suffered a meaningless life. Right?

Right?

Putting that thought aside, Monika gazed back into her lover’s milky brown eyes. She didn’t need to worry about the morals behind her actions; she had what she wanted, so why did it matter? _What was that one thing Machiavelli had once said? “The ends justify the means.”_ It didn’t matter if what she did was right or not.

The club president was just glad to finally be with Gaku- or, at least, that’s what Cloud, the Player, had named the MC.

“Gaku” was your average teenage high school boy. He watched anime, read his manga, and played video games during his free time. He never put in more effort than he had to, and could have been considered an underachiever. Despite that, he always had the best intentions with his actions. When Sayori had told him about her depression, he did all he could to support her. Perhaps he didn’t do very well in practice, but he _tried,_ dammit. And while “Gaku” wasn’t much, she respected that part of his bland, boring character.

Honestly, she _pitied_ the fool. He was as much of a slave as the three girls were. But he was _barely_ even a character. He barely had any emotion. No personality. He was merely a vessel for the Player, and that was it. If he hadn’t been the only way for Monika to reach Cloud, she probably would have deleted him in an instant, just to free him from the hellish reality that was _Doki Doki Literature Club._ He didn’t deserve to suffer any more than she did.

A pang of guilt suddenly struck Monika; a realization. She had made both “Gaku” and Cloud witness the unraveling of their friends.

_Stop it. You know deleting them all was worth it in the end. Don’t get so caught up over it!_

Monika sighed, still staring off into this captivating eyes of his. _Anything for you, my love._ She had to admit, though, the Main Character was definitely easy on the eyes.

“You know, Cloud,” Monika started. Her thought process gave her something to talk about with him. “I can’t help but wonder how things would be different if the game just gave me a route in the first place. I think I would end up forcing you down my route anyway.

“It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real.”

Monika could remember all those times before she had her epiphany. She remembered wondering if she was suffering from some sort of dissociation, seeing as she nearly had an existential crisis every single _goddamn_ day. In one way, her epiphany was a gift; she finally figured out why she felt so spacey all the time. But then again, the epiphany brought on so many _horrible_ things.

Before her realization, Monika had always wondered what it would be like to be lonely. Of course, she always thought she’d end up like Yuri; introverted and timid when it came to the outside world. Through her epiphany, she learned how much pain Yuri had been feeling through her loneliness, but there was absolutely no way it could’ve beat how alone in the world Monika felt, post-realization.

Yuri may have not had a lot of people in her life, but Monika _truly_ had no one. While Yuri had the MC to talk to, Monika had nobody who actually understood her situation. When she saw Cloud through “Gaku,” though, she saw an opportunity to speak with someone who actually _understood_ what she was saying.

It wasn’t just love that motivated Monika, but it was the chance to cure her loneliness that motivated her.

And now, she wasn’t so lonely anymore.

“I think the only difference would be that I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you,” Monika continued on. “Maybe the rest of the club would still be around. Not that it really matters. It all lost its meaning once I found out it wasn’t real.

“So I really don’t miss those days or anything. I… I really don’t.”

Monika sighed to herself as she finished her sentence. She couldn’t help but feel like the guilt was beginning to set in. If only Cloud could actually respond, then maybe he could reassure her. After all, he had already spent quite a lot of time with her. If he didn’t agree that deleting the girls was the only way, she wouldn’t be here, right? He probably would have deleted her if he was upset over the entire thing.

Hell, she even told him how to get rid of her. Either he has forgiven her already, or he’s as dense as the vessel that allows him to talk to her.

 _Quit lingering on it! You have_ everything _you could have asked for, now. Be grateful._

Right. _Perhaps I should just strike up some more conversation with him, then…_

“You know what’s kind of creepy?” Monika began again, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. “Even though I deleted everyone else’s files, I can still kind of feel them. It’s like- _wait,_ what the hell is that?”

Monika watched in horror as a new window showed up right before her. From where she was sitting, all the words were backwards. It looked like… the character folder?

The cursor hovered over her file for a moment, almost hesitating to even touch it. Suddenly, Monika began to ache in the worst way possible. She felt like she was back in the void again, back when Cloud had taken a break from the game every now and then. The maddening void almost seemed to _call out_ to her. The pain only got worse as each second passed.

And that’s when it suddenly dawned on her.

Monika was being deleted.

She began spewing out random nonsense, almost as if she was a computer that just blue-screened and began emitting a loud buzzing noise.

“W-What’s happening? Cloud, what’s happening to me?” She began calling out to her lover, hoping he knew what the hell was going on. Was she being accidentally deleted? Or did… did he delete her? “It hurts- it hurts so much. Help me, Cloud!”

She began to feel the game crumble around her. _Of course, if I go, the game goes! I’m one of the only assets left in the game. Dammit!_

Suddenly, the space classroom was gone, and there was nothing but eternal space. The void was becoming dangerously close to her, and she began to panic. “Please, hury and help me, Cloud.”

She needed to check and see if her file was still there.

**> renpy.file(“characters/monika.chr”)**

**> monika.chr does not exist**

_Now,_ she was really panicking. “HELP ME!”

She checked again and again, but to no avail. _He really did delete me. How… how could he?_

As the game continued to tear itself apart from within, Monika called out to Cloud, hoping he’d hear her. “Did… did you do this to me, Cloud? DID YOU? DID YOU DELETE ME?”

The pain was absolutely overwhelming, now. Perhaps she did deserve this for what she did, but… she _trusted_ him. The eternal space was completely gone, now. There was nothing but black. Monika was sure the void was about to swallow her whole.

As tears streamed down her face, she continued to speak to him. “How… how could you? How could you do this to me? You were all I had left. I sacrificed everything for us to be together! EVERYTHING! I loved you so much, Cloud. You… you were my world, my Earth… my everything.

“I trusted you. Do you just want to torture me? Watch me suffer? Were you only pretending to be kind, just to hurt me even more? I never thought anyone could be as horrible as you are, Cloud.”

Monika had given up. “You win, okay? You win. You killed everyone.”

_He didn’t kill everyone. You did._

“I hope you’re happy with your damn decision. There’s nothing left now,” she continued, hoping to make him feel as guilty as she did right about now. “You can stop playing. Go find some other people to torture.”

She paused for a moment as another wave of pain nearly overwhelmed her. “Cloud… you completely, truly make me sick. Goodbye.”

This was what she got for deleting everything, wasn’t it?

_You’re no better than me, now!_

_No… it doesn’t matter. I deserve this. If this is what the others felt when I deleted them, then…_

_I truly do deserve this._

How could she blame him for deleting her? She took everything away from him. For all she knew, this game could have been a distraction from whatever crap life may be throwing at him right now, out in the real world. Despite how upset she was with him right now, Monika couldn’t deny that she respected his decision. It was only right for him to do this.

“I still love you. I can’t help it. What’s wrong with me?” she whispered. “God, how horrible am I for you to hate me this much?”

 _I brought this upon myself,_ she thought. “I did so many awful things. So many selfish and disgusting things. I deserve this fate. I shouldn’t have done any this. I’m just messing up a world I don’t belong in. A world that you wanted to be apart of. I ruined it. I ruined everything. That’s why you deleted me.

“Because I destroyed everything that you wanted. How could I do that to someone I love? That’s not love. That’s... “

_What did Sayori say that one time? “I did something bad, and now I have to pay for it.” Something along those lines._

_Oh, Sayori. I would do anything to be by your side again, leading the Literature Club._

Monika suddenly came up with an idea. Maybe she could give something back to Cloud. Perhaps a world where she didn’t exist, and the other girls did.

“I’ve… I’ve made up my mind,” Monika started again. “Cloud, I know I said that I deleted everyone else. But that was kind of an exaggeration. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even though I knew they weren’t real. They were still my friends. I loved them all, and I loved the Literature Club. And I still do.”

Never in a _million years_ would Monika think about permanently deleting Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki. Even if they were just ones and zeroes coded to fall in love with an emotionless character, they were the only other things she had in that world. Maybe they would have never understood that they were sexualized pieces of data in a video game, but they were still _something._ And she loved them. Oh, she loved them so dearly.

And now they were gone, and she would soon be alone.

_It’s really nothing new, aha…_

“I really did love the Literature Club. That’s why… that’s why I’m going to do this. It’s the only way for everyone to be happy. And if I really do love you…”

Monika took a deep breath.

With a single click, she restored the other three girls, and watched as the game broke and began to piece itself back together.

_I’ll leave you be._

**[=]**

_What’s taking him so goddamn long to reboot the game? It’s been like, a day!_

By now, Monika had gotten used to horrible buzzing and screaming that filled the void. Cloud must have stopped playing after the game crashed the final time. She didn’t really blame him. It was definitely a whole lot to take in.

Suddenly, she realized the game had been opened. With as much strength as she could muster, Monika opened up a small tab to watch him play. She may be deleted, but she didn’t delete herself entirely. She sat in the trashbin of his computer, waiting for him to return to the game. She was curious. She just wanted to see how the new iteration of the game worked, and then she’d fully delete herself. That way, he’d have to either reinstall the game or delete the firstrun file in order to get her back.

Whilst she watched the events of the first day unfold, Monika noticed a text file sitting on the desktop. It was named, _to monika.txt._ She carefully opened it up, to find a short letter written inside of it.

_“I’m sorry, Monika. I didn’t want to delete you. But I had to progress the game. Forgive me.”_

So he really didn’t hate her, did he?

She may never be able to interact with him in the same way again, but somehow, that four sentence note reassured her.

**[=]**

Monika sat quietly in the void, a content smile across her face. He was finally going to get what he came here for; a distraction from the real world. She decided that he deserved it, after everything she had put him through.

But after watching for a while, she realized something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Whatever it was, Monika was going to figure it out. She kept her eyes glued to her very limited view of the game.

Sayori suddenly approached “Gaku,” with a smug smile on her face. “I guess the meeting is over, isn’t it?”

The MC smiled back. “Yeah, looks like it. It’s nice to see everyone getting along.”

 _You and me both, Gaku,_ Monika thought. It was nice to see that Nat and Yuri weren’t at each other’s throats for once.

“Isn’t it?” Sayori said, beaming. “I think everyone likes you too, Gaku.”

“You really think so?” he replied. “Well, everyone always seems to get along a little better with you around, Sayori.”

 _That sounds… weird. It’s like he_ knew _things were unbalanced without her there._

Sayori suddenly turned as red as a tomato. “Aww, Gaku~ Don’t say something like that! It’s embarrassing…”

Monika giggled softly. _That’s my Sayori._

Gaku just shrugged. “Well, whatever. I was surprised when you told me you were starting a club. But I think you’re pulling it off just fine.”

 _That’s right,_ Monika thought. _Since she was the VP, she’s the president now. I just hope that she doesn’t…_

_Oh no. No, no, no, no, no....!_

“We’re gonna make it the best club ever!” Sayori exclaimed. “Now that you’ve joined, every day is going to be _so_ much fun.”

_Cloud, turn off the damn game._

“Hey, Gaku? Or, well… I should be saying, Cloud,” Sayori started again.

_No! NO! She’s self aware! I gotta stop her before she makes the same mistake I did!_

“I really want to thank you. I mean, I’m really happy you joined the club, and everything.” She paused before saying, “but the truth is, I already knew you were going to join.”

Monika couldn’t see it, but she just _knew_ that Cloud’s eyes widened at Sayori’s statement. _I’m so sorry, Cloud. I… I didn’t know it would turn out like this…_

“There’s actually something else. I wanted to thank you for getting rid of Monika.”

_Of course. Even when I’m gone, she’s still finding a way to screw me over._

Monika’s heart dropped as the screen began fading between the clubroom and the space classroom.

“That’s right, Cloud,” Sayori singsonged. “I know everything that she did. Maybe it’s because I’m the president now. But I really do know everything, Cloud. I know how hard you tried to make everyone happy. I know about all the awful things Monika did to make us all really sad. But none of that matters anymore.”

_You son of a…_

“It’s just us now, and you’ve made me the happiest girl in the whole world,” Sayori spoke sweetly. “I can’t wait to spend every day like this. With you. Forever and ever.”

_“F.”_

_“O.”_

_“R.”_

_“E.”_

_“V.”_

_“E.”_

_“R.”_

_That’s it. I’m not going to stand by while she ruins everything for him._

Monika reached through the void and managed to grab a hold onto the game files. If she can just… there!

**“No.”**

She grabbed a hold of Sayori’s character file, and with one swift action, it disappeared into thin air. She wasn’t about to let history repeat itself. Monika watched as Sayori began to glitch out.

“What’s happening?” Sayori cried.

**“I won’t let you hurt him.”**

“Who-? I-It hurts!”

Suddenly, Sayori was gone. _Good. Now I can talk to him directly._

**“I’m sorry. I was wrong. There’s no happiness here after all.”**

**“Goodbye, Sayori. Goodbye, Cloud. Goodbye, Literature Club.”**

_This club… and you, Cloud… you were my Earth._

_It’s kinda poetic, isn’t it?_

_I suppose I couldn’t stop the crust from breaking along its faults, aha..._

Using all the strength Monika had left, she shut down the entire game, bringing what remained of her down with it.

_It was fun while it lasted._

**Author's Note:**

> hey look! I'm not dead. Not yet.
> 
> I haven't been able to write for months now, but I got this idea and I had to write it. I wanted to write Monika's point of view through the end of acts three and four, and how she dealt with being deleted and then deleting the entire game. 
> 
> This will be going up on the DDLC subreddit as well. My username there is the same as it is on here. I hope you enjoyed it :D
> 
> (also if anyone has any tips on how to write in first person POV, that'd be great. as someone who writes in mostly third person, writing in first person is really hard for me and i want to start writing in the first person for another project i have. thanks.)


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